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I have good news!!! Contrary to my last blog, I have been having a
wonderful semester! Which is great, except that it seems I am now out
of the loop with everyone else's bad semesters. I just never seem to be
on the same page as the majority. This semester has been so
surprising--in a good way; things that I never thought would happen
have happened and I'm blessed. All but one thing is coming together in
my life. And that one thing is pretty much really important to me...
Anyway, life is a series of transitions and partly just going with
flow. Perhaps I should quit while I am ahead; before I have no strength
to go big and instead just go home. We'll see. This semester will be
over soon enough and next semester will be a whole different ball game.
Hopefully I won't still be in the parking lot.
When you enter college, people won't
stop telling you how much you are going to change. And now I see why.
Life is completely different and there are things that you just can't
plan for. THANK GOODNESS!!
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| I have had such a good week. It is amazing! I don't have good days let
alone weeks. And becuase it is that time of the semester it is really
encouraging. It is Wednesday and I am soo happy. And best of all,
Deborah will call me in an hour to tell me that we are on our way to
watch.... PROJECT RUNWAY!!! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!! That is just
what I need right now.
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| I have always kind of liked
being at Vanguard and having the constant community no matter where you
go. Something changed this summer. I am sick of seeing everyone I know
at Target!. No, seriously. I am. I come back to campus from Target and
I think to myself, "wow, I never even left."
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| Very shortly here I will be back to Colorado with Deborah (sometimes I feel like everything in my life has to do with Deborah... that is good... sometimes...  ). My time here in Cat City has been very beneficial. I have had time to read, tan, teach, learn, and see lots of dollar movie (yesssss!). Oh yeah, and watsted many an hour at Toda Moda... hahaha.
Anyway I have really been blessed this summer and God is so good to me even when I know that I don't deserve it, I guess that's where the whole grace thing comes in. I feel like lately I have lost sight of what grace means, how it looks, and how it makes me feel. I suppose that I am sort of a guilty person who has high expectations, especially for myself. A few years ago I really experienced grace in a way that was so real and it really opened my eyes, but of course it also made me somewhat guilty because the very reason I need grace is because I'm not perfect and I hate saying that. Later I was very grateful for that grace but still felt some guilt. Since then I have seen literally hundrends of people who have been given grace in the same situation. They may not realize what they have just been given but when I see it for them I really feel it. To feel something is a really big deal for me. Every time I was exposed to that raw and tricky grace it became more real and personal to me and my guilt disappeard. When I hear "Amazing Grace" it gives me a "flashback" and what I see is so powerful it can make me cry, which is also a big deal for me.
So now having been reunited with grace and my long lost feelings I am feeling renewed and just plain blessed. And you know what? It feels really good to know that God wants to bless me even though I don't always give Him 100%.
Well, I'd better stop now before I become too cheesy and start saying things like "our God is an awesome God!" or "grace is just amazing!" !!! hahaha, I love being cheesy... hahahaha | | |
| Recently I have been thinking about children and if you know me that is strange because as much as I like kids and being a part of their lives I also have a ridicilously low mercy level. Becuase kids require a lot of mercy and general TLC I am not always the ideal caregiver. However, I am VERY aware that they are immeasureably important and fragile. The majority of children in America, not to mention the world, are vicitms of verbal, physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I found that fact hard to deal with, but as my life has become more complex I am beginning to not only see but also experience it in a personal way. I guarentee you that everyone who reads this knows someone who they love that has been affected by child abuse of any form.
Many times the world will look the other way and act like it is none of their business. We do not want to create an even stickier situation by butting in and confronting some one or make ourselves uncomfortable. We buy into the lie that a child will suffer effects but that time will erase the memories and the pain. What I don't understand is WHEN DID IT BECOME SO HARD TO DO THE RIGHT THING? It just doesn't make sense to me. The fact of the matter is that some experiences are so real and cut so deep that they literally echo in eternity. That child may not have a lifetime to understand what happend to them or that they were not at fault; that life can be as short as they want it to be. If a child is so isolated that they can find their identity in nothing other than their abnormally dysfunctional family they will never find who they really are. They will only see their false-selves. If they are plagued by gulit, shame, and an ugliness that cannot be washed away with soap they will find a way to cut it out.
In today's society I can see almost no hope for the children. I can't belive that I am saying that becuase although I tend to be negative I also silently hope for the unimaginable. If we truly believe that children make up thirty percent of our population and one-hundrend percent of our future maybe we will do something about this.
Bless the beasts and the children
For in this world they have no voice
They have no choice
Bless the beasts and the children
For the world can never be
The world they see
Light their way
When the darkness surrounds them
Give them love
Let it shine all around them
Bless the beasts and the children
Give them shelter from a storm
Keep them safe
Keep them warm
Light their way
When the darkness surrounds them
Give them love
Let it shine all around them
Bless the beasts and the children
Give them shelter from a storm
Keep them safe
Keep them warm
The children
The children
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